Styles of Conflict

There are destructive forms of conflict and constructive forms. In destructive conflict some of the behaviors you might notice are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. None of these contribute to a constructive conflict or resolution. Instead they often have negative impacts overall.

There are also different forms of destructive conflict. Covert destructive conflict is subtle. It is when spouses hide their thoughts and emotions and are sometimes intentionally not clear in their communication. 

Overt Destructive Conflict is when conflict is directly hostile or violent. Things like physical aggression or verbal insults can be signs of overt destructive conflict. In this conflict type, domestic violence can occur. 

Now that we know what to look out for as signs of destructive conflict, let's talk about what constructive conflict looks like. Some behaviors that create constructive conflict are: listening, fair fighting, and managing the physical environment. Being open to what the other party is saying and not interrupting in frustration helps the other to feel heard and valued. Being able to express your thoughts and feelings back and knowing that you’re being heard, and being in a safe, calm environment also contributes to a constructive conflict.